1
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,951
Whoa, whoa. That's far enough.

2
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:45,151
- Ah! Get off! Get off! You're strangling me!
- Sorry! Sorry.

3
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,831
Oh... It's no good.
I'll have to get a proper horse's collar.

4
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,679
- Or a proper horse.
- Now, don't start that again.

5
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,953
- We are not getting a horse. It's not practical.
- No. I suppose this is.

6
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,716
You're quite right. You're quite right.

7
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,276
I've tried repairing it,
but I'm inclined to think this model has had it.

8
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:10,278
I've been inclined to think that
for the past two weeks.

9
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,880
Do you think the British Transport Museum
would like it?

10
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,191
(Rattling)

11
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,351
Do you see what I see?

12
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:23,631
Good lord. It's Jerry mowing his own lawn.

13
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:34,711
Has the world gone mad?

14
00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:45,434
- That's the stuff, Jerry.
- Come on, Jerry. You can do it.

15
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,595
- Go away!

16
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,598
We're in our own garden.
We can stand in our garden if we want.

17
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:54,551
Don't talk to me.

18
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,989
- Jerry...
- What?

19
00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:59,433
Hello.

20
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,156
You're er...
You're supposed to mow round those.

21
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,277
We're going!

22
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,151
Right, say, "Aah!"

23
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,151
Aah!

24
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,678
Did you see Jeanette MacDonald
and Nelson Eddy in Rose-Marie?

25
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,711
No. I don't remember silent films.

26
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,196
You can't have a silent musical, can you?

27
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,231
Oh, no. So?

28
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:53,031
- They had one, I think.
- One what?

29
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,071
A log-burning stove.

30
00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,271
Makes you think, doesn't it?

31
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,311
Of what?

32
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,271
Nothing.

33
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,438
I'll just pop upstairs
and get your restraint harness.

34
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,471
(Knock at the door)

35
00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,479
- Hello, Margo.
- Barbara, I'm sorry. I have a crisis.

36
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,433
- I wondered if Tom could help.
- For you, Margo, anything.

37
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,994
Please, don't be silly, Tom. This is serious.

38
00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,475
My vacuum cleaner won't stop whistling.

39
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:28,314
Yes, I see. Any particular tune?

40
00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,954
- Good morning.
- No, Margo, wait!

41
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,991
I'll have a look at it.

42
00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:35,031
- It's probably the motor.
- The bag's full.

43
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,071
- Is it picking up at all?
- No, nothing.

44
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:40,033
- The bag's full.
- I'll take off the cowling and have a look at it.

45
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,071
I'll just get my screwdriver.

46
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,596
There you are, Margo.
You see, the bag was full.

47
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,309
Yes, that was the trouble. The bag was full.

48
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,351
And the whistling was the signal.

49
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,756
Oh, yes. I remember. There was something
in the brochure about whistling.

50
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,791
Have you never changed the bag before?

51
00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:06,676
Certainly not. Mrs Pierson is my cleaner
and that is her province.

52
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:10,236
Except when she decides to let me down
by going away on holiday.

53
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,396
Ah... Hence Jerry mowing his own lawn.

54
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:16,115
Mr Pierson, the gardener,
must have gone on holiday with his wife.

55
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:19,357
- Yes. For a month, if you please.
- A month?!

56
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:21,391
- Yes.
- How appalling.

57
00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:26,037
Servants going on holiday, leaving the gentry
to fend for themselves? It's disgusting.

58
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,914
Well, I wouldn't mind if the Piersons
had arranged their own replacements,

59
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,952
but no, it was simply,
"isn't it wonderful, Mrs Leadbetter?

60
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:37,073
The chance of a lifetime to see our
grandchildren in Canada," and off they went.

61
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,509
Couldn't you go to an agency
for temporary help?

62
00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,676
In this day and age? You can't get them.

63
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,155
They've all been listening to that Clive Jenkins.

64
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:50,231
People seem to think that cleaning a house
or tending a garden is beneath their dignity.

65
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:52,954
- Like you and Jerry?
- No, not like me and Jerry.

66
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:57,119
We are employers.
We equate with the CBI in this situation.

67
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:03,394
I mean, you would think some little couple would
welcome �20 a week for light part-time work.

68
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,000
- People are too well off.
- Yes, they are.

69
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:08,634
- Know where the next penny's coming from.
- Yes, they do.

70
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,752
- A bit of insecurity, that's what they need.
- I couldn't agree...

71
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:18,160
I just realised that once again,
lam the butt of your childish humour.

72
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,592
And so you deserve to be. What's so tragic
about doing your own housework for a month?

73
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,154
These. They're beginning to look like yours.

74
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:28,476
I'll poke you in the eye in a minute.

75
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,830
No, I'm sorry, Barbara,
but you know what I mean.

76
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,269
I am not one of nature's little housewives,

77
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:36,836
and for that matter,
Jerry is not one of nature's little gardeners.

78
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,474
- Well, there's a simple solution, you know.
- What?

79
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,319
Jerry does the housework
and you do the garden.

80
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,990
I really must get you a cap and bells, Tom.

81
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,509
What a fuss about nothing. She should try
coping with our transport problem.

82
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:57,554
- Oh, our trolley, you mean.
- Well, I suppose we'd better make a new one.

83
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,399
Better roll up our trousers and get up the pond.

84
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,153
- Why?
- Start dredging for some old pram wheels.

85
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:06,874
- That's where I found the last lot.
- No, no, no.

86
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,914
I've been thinking. Whatever sort of trolley
we made, we'd still have to push it.

87
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,998
Even with your strength,
there's a limit to how much we can haul.

88
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,953
We must make ten trips a week
just to feed that thing.

89
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,913
Yes. That's not counting
carting stuff from the allotments.

90
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,759
I did have thoughts
of building a land yacht once,

91
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,996
but tacking in traffic's not really on.

92
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:28,715
Of course, if you had half a brain,
you'd invent an engine that runs on water.

93
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,956
Yeah. I'm just thick, I suppose.

94
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,911
Engine! Why didn't I think of it before'?

95
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,349
We've already got an engine.
The rotary cultivator.

96
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,791
We only use it a few weeks of the year.
It just sits there the rest of the time.

97
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:44,834
The rotary cultivator's no good.
We can't belt along, ploughing up the pavement.

98
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,871
No. Wait a minute. Wait a minute...

99
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,911
Where are they? Ah!

100
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,076
Now, let's see... Look, look, look...

101
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,590
Now, then,
bad drawing of rotary cultivator, right?

102
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,392
Al right? Right.

103
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:59,353
Now, I take the working head off, right?

104
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,471
I add a sort of cart on the back, right?

105
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:05,113
Put a seat on it, couple it up...

106
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,151
It would work. I'm sure it will work.

107
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,318
You couldn't knock up a press
while you're at it, could you?

108
00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,079
- What for?
- To print the money for the extra petrol.

109
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,111
Wait a minute, though...

110
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,549
Look. It wouldn't be that expensive. Now, look...

111
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,716
What would you get
out of a rotary cultivator?

112
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:28,956
100mpg? Well, perhaps less with a load.

113
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:33,995
Right, now... All right, now, two-star petrol
at, what, about 77p a gallon?

114
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,031
52 weeks in the year...

115
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,071
Ah, plus oil.

116
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:40,111
Right, now, two.. five...

117
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,151
Carry one... So...

118
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:47,039
There. Ah, now, if we don't do
more than 50 miles a week,

119
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,594
we could run this thing for 20 or 30 quid a year.

120
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,631
Now, that's not a lot of money, is it?

121
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,671
- No, that's not.
- Right, now...

122
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,519
How much actual cash have we got
at the moment?

123
00:07:57,760 --> 00:07:59,433
�1.28.

124
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,551
Quite warm out, isn't it?

125
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,473
- Yes, very pleasant.
- Pleasanter than yesterday.

126
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:17,636
Swapsies. We could swap something for petrol.

127
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:21,071
No. All our swapsies are earmarked,
including the piglets.

128
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:26,157
- Well, I suppose there's always...
- No, no, no, no.

129
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,111
I'm saving your body for a rainy day.

130
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,471
It's so annoying, though, isn't it?

131
00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,990
30 measly quid standing between us
and efficient transport!

132
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,076
- Tom...
- Yeah?

133
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,957
Have you ever thought of going into service?

134
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,393
Why don't you just throw
a bucket of mud on the floor?

135
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:16,913
Look, I've just cut my finger,
clipping your blasted hedge!

136
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:20,840
Don't swear, Jerry.
And don't bleed in the sink. I've just cleaned it.

137
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:25,872
- I'm sorry.
- And don't throw rubbish in the rubbish bin.

138
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,516
- Why on earth not?
- I've just emptied it.

139
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,997
- It will fill up again sooner or later.
- It'll do that without your help.

140
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,640
Is it all right if I sit down
in my own chair in my own house?

141
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:39,671
No, it is not.

142
00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:42,189
- You are coming to the bedroom with me.
- Oh.

143
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,793
And you can forget that sort of thing
for the next month, Jerry.

144
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,990
I shall be too exhausted
with this housework.

145
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:55,677
- Now, you tuck sides, and I tuck corners.
- What are you talking about, woman?

146
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:59,600
Beds do not make themselves, Jerry.
And don't "woman" me.

147
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,756
I wish I'd gone on holiday with the Piersons.

148
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,918
- And leave me with the gardening too!
- For heaven's sake, the ga...

149
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:09,750
- Er... Ah... Voices raised... Bad time?
- No, no. Come in.

150
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:13,031
Yes, come in.
Why don't you bring all your pigs with you?

151
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:18,553
Let's have filthy footprints all over the place!
Let's make the place really filthy! Yes, let's!

152
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,991
Housework getting you down, Margo?

153
00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:26,556
Yes, it is. I've just been on my hands and knees
cleaning that floor.

154
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,591
Now, look, calm down, Margo.

155
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,598
We've found you a couple
to stand in for the Piersons.

156
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,870
- You have? Who?
- Us.

157
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,357
- You?
- Yes.

158
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,233
- Why?
- We need some money and you've got it.

159
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,669
You're on. A month of this
and she'll drive me mad.

160
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,872
She? First it's "woman", now it's "she"!
3

161
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:48,639
Will you kindly use my name, Jerry?

162
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:52,560
And kindly consult me before making decisions
about our domestic arrangements.

163
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:54,591
- What's to decide?
- Right.

164
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,712
We're godsends, Margo.
We're hard-working, clean, English.

165
00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,752
And we won't pinch the silver.
Not the good stuff anyway.

166
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:02,711
That's exactly what I mean.

167
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:06,913
Flippancy from friends is just bearable.
From domestics, it's intolerable.

168
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,151
OK, OK. Flippancy is out.

169
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:14,114
We won't speak until we're spoken to
and we'll tug our forelocks left, right and centre.

170
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,755
I don't know.
It could be such an ambiguous relationship.

171
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:21,953
Well, try it. After all, you don't want to end up
with hands like mine, do you?

172
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,991
True.

173
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:28,318
But the very idea of giving
one's friends orders is terribly embarrassing.

174
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,671
- I don't think I could do it.
- A month can seem a long time.

175
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,711
Yes...

176
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:39,394
Very well. Clean that mess up, will you,
and polish the floor.

177
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,795
You might as well do the windows
whilst you're at it,

178
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:43,831
the oven, of course, the bed's to be made,

179
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,269
oh, and don't forget
the littlest room in the house.

180
00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:48,311
I'm going to lie down.

181
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,631
- Come on, Tweeny. We're on.
- Right.

182
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,671
Well, I'll see you later.

183
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,231
Hmm... Saucy little minx.

184
00:12:07,640 --> 00:12:09,631
Hello, love.

185
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,350
Hello.

186
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,030
Margo?

187
00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,872
If she tells me once more that I don't hoover
into the corners like Mrs Pierson,

188
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:41,911
I will kill her.

189
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,430
- Well, you know Margo.
- Not this Margo, I don't.

190
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,630
It's like being under surveillance by the CIA.

191
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,149
Everywhere I go, there are eyes peering at me,

192
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,760
over furniture, round the door
and through the keyhole.

193
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,713
She probably believed
that crack about pinching the silver.

194
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,274
Rubbish. She's just a pathological supervisor.

195
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,709
Well, she doesn't bother me in the garden much.

196
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,229
Just comes out when I turn up,
does a bit of tsk-tsk-tsk

197
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,271
and goes back in the house again.

198
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,312
It could have something to do with
my dangerous animal presence.

199
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,352
Don't you believe it.
She just wants to follow me about the house.

200
00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:16,473
She's afraid if she leaves me alone,
I might put an ornament back an inch off centre.

201
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:20,639
Never mind. It's only for a month.
We've done a week already and it's worth it.

202
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:25,117
- This could be the hit at this year's motor show.
- If British Rail don't take their trolley back.

203
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,879
They didn't want it
when it was rusting on that embankment.

204
00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:31,038
- I think Will Hay was the last person to use this.
- Who's Will Hay?

205
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,199
- Child.
- Tom.

206
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,111
Yep?

207
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,994
When it's finished, can we run Margo over in it?

208
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,792
(Laughs)

209
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:48,037
- You've really got your knife into your employer.
- She's impossible!

210
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,435
I don't think Mrs Pierson went on holiday at all.

211
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,040
I think she went to a clinic
with a nervous breakdown.

212
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:56,550
- Can't you laugh the whole thing off?
- Only hysterically!

213
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,319
- Don't lose your sense of humour.
- Oh, you are impossible!

214
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,479
It's a waste of time talking to you.
You're in one of your "life is a cabaret" moods!

215
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,399
Well it is, isn't it?
Us working for Margo is funny, isn't it?

216
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:11,116
We know she's bossy, pernickety.
Because we know it it's funny, just funny.

217
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,151
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk...

218
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:17,273
For your information, Tom, it is 2:37.

219
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:20,199
Mr Pierson always started work
at 2:15 on Fridays,

220
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,231
and I expect you to do the same.

221
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,271
Now, come along.

222
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,755
Who the hell does she think she is?

223
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,791
I'll smash her face in.

224
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,551
Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk...

225
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,511
Tsk!

226
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,591
Hello, darling.

227
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,200
That Friday night traffic on London Bridge
is the worst.

228
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,231
Best part of an hour tonight.

229
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,477
To crown it all, some pimply police cadet
was trying to direct traffic.

230
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:13,594
If a police cadet were the total of my troubles,
I'd be a happy woman. Good evening, Jerry.

231
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,916
- Why? What's the matter?
- Tom and Barbara.

232
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,554
- What have they been up to now?
- Nothing much.

233
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,520
They just humiliated me in front of the
Surbiton Ladies Conservative Association.

234
00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,551
- All of them?
- Yes.

235
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:31,357
They turned Mrs Hornsby's lecture on The
Curse Of Socialism On The Algarve into a farce.

236
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,472
- That can't have been difficult.
- It was most interesting, Jerry.

237
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:36,716
Mrs Hornsby had us in the palm of her hand

238
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,195
until Barbara came in with the canap�s.

239
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:41,277
- Did she throw them at someone?
- No.

240
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:45,917
Under the guise of passing plates, she
made silly silhouettes on the projector screen.

241
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,951
(Laughs)

242
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:50,276
- Good old Barbara.
- Itis not good old Barbara.

243
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,073
It is silly, silly Barbara! And as for Tom...

244
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,111
- Silly?
- Obscene.

245
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,439
I had to draw the curtains.

246
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:01,075
- What was he doing?
- Leering at Mrs Hornsby from the garden.

247
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,199
And making gestures towards the shrubbery
with his head.

248
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:07,356
(Guffaws)

249
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,155
- Trust you to laugh.
- You know them. You know what they're like.

250
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,318
Yes, but I do not expect them to be like it
when they're in my employ.

251
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,637
- They'll have to change their tune.
- Well, here they are.

252
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,671
- You'd better tell them.
- You tell them.

253
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,473
- You're the master of the house.
- Am[? Oh.

254
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:27,231
Now, see here, you snivelling menials,
you'd better buck your ideas up

255
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,271
or I'll take a crop to the pair of you.

256
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,311
Ooh, sorry, sir. Beg pardon, sir.

257
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:35,638
Forgive us, sir, for coming up to the big house
without going through the sheep-dip first.

258
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:39,913
Stand in the corner and don't speak
or I'll set the dogs on you. What do you want?

259
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:44,397
Well, sir, we were wondering, sir, if you could
see your way clear to giving us a bit of wages?

260
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,558
You see, sir,
because we haven't had any wages for ages.

261
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,436
We wouldn't ask; sir,
only we've had to sell eight children already.

262
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:57,198
- Oh, really!
- Oh, I beg pardon ma'am. I didn't see you there.

263
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,231
Curtsy, girl, curtsy.

264
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:05,199
Oh, I'm ever so sorry, ma'am,
for standing on the carpet.

265
00:17:06,480 --> 00:17:08,391
Don't you think it's wearing rather thin?

266
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,874
No. It's a lovely bit of carpet, that.

267
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,038
Oh, shut up! Do! You're like a pair of hyenas!

268
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:19,431
(Slams door)

269
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,073
(Both splutter)

270
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,511
(Knocking)

271
00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,711
- That looks nice.
- Does it?

272
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,870
Now, look, Margo,
I mean, we were only playing about.

273
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,911
Don't touch me.

274
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,711
Margo, we are sorry, really, but...

275
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,674
you've got to keep things
in proportion, haven't you?

276
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,439
Don't lecture me on keeping things
in proportion, Barbara.

277
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,632
My life was in perfect proportion
until you replaced the Piersons.

278
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,876
They knew their station and I knew mine.

279
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,595
And if you say Charing Cross, Tom,
I shall throw this salad at you.

280
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,994
- I wasn't going to say Charing Cross.
- Hmph!

281
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:20,229
- I was going to say St Pancras.
- There you are! You see?

282
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:23,989
You take nothing seriously! You two are
a microcosm of what is wrong with society.

283
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:28,159
Nobody takes anything seriously and we wonder
why this country can't produce a decent car.

284
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,875
- I'd go easy with that Tabasco if I were you.
- I'll do what I like with my Tabasco!

285
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,551
Now, look, Margo...

286
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:39,878
I know we made a joke of the situation,
but it's just our way, isn't it?

287
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:43,800
- Well, it isn't mine.
- All right, then, let's look for a compromise.

288
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,911
There's no need. I have the solution.

289
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,157
- Well, good. What is it?
- You're both sacked.

290
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,631
(Sobs)

291
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,591
Oh, Barbara, don't cry, love.

292
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,431
I'm laughing!

293
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:17,516
- Why?
- Margo giving us the sack.

294
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,551
Yeah. It is a bit bizarre, isn't it?

295
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,877
Not too many people can say
they've been sacked by their neighbours.

296
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,116
I think she's wonderful. She really is.

297
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,356
- I'd never have the nerve.
- Quite! Oh, quite!

298
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,710
None of your,
"Let's get both sides round a table."

299
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:33,640
None of your independent tribunals,
just "Get out! You're fired!" Wallop.

300
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,913
- I wonder how she'd get on with Hugh Scanlon.
- Yeah, well, it could be the fight of the century.

301
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,076
I tell you what, let's cover up the Mk1.

302
00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:43,511
We don't want
those spies from Ferrari pinching our design.

303
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:45,551
No. Right.

304
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,399
Mind you, it's not really a laughing matter, is it?

305
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,671
I mean, after all,
the whole point was to get this on the road.

306
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,633
Don't worry.
We're owed �2250 for the week's work.

307
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,479
- That will run this for ten months.
- That's true.

308
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,229
- Are you tired?
- No.

309
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,396
Good. Let's go to bed, then.

310
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,431
Right.

311
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,238
- Hello, gooseberry.
- What?

312
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:14,797
- Never mind. What do you want?
- I'm a slave to my own good manners.

313
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,958
- I've come to apologise.
- Oh, Jerry, that's all right.

314
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,594
- We asked for it.
- We didn't expect it, but we got it.

315
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,758
- That's very noble of you.
- Even peasants can be noble.

316
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,633
Apart from burning haystacks,
there will be no reprisals.

317
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:29,593
- That's good. Good night, then.
- Oil What about our wages?

318
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,519
- Oh, yes, of course. Cheque all right?
- Sooner have cash.

319
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,551
Oh, very well.

320
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,591
How much was it? �307 �40?

321
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,716
It's like Monopoly money to you, isn't it? �22.50.

322
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:42,751
Hmm... You come cheap, don't you?

323
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,791
I'm the 22. He's the 50.

324
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:50,434
Well, I suppose that's about right.
I shall be very sorry to see you go.

325
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,472
I believe that's what one generally says
to departing domestics.

326
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,080
What puzzles me
is why you took the job in the first place.

327
00:20:56,120 --> 00:21:00,000
- Why?
- Working for somebody else for money.

328
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,670
It does rather smack of that crass
commercialism you purport to despise.

329
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,439
- Only when it's a permanent state.
- Like yours.

330
00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:07,959
Thank you.

331
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,038
When we need something,
we can't buy it, so we swap for it.

332
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,799
What we swapped this time
was our manpower and womanpower.

333
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,879
Yeah. By the way, you never did tell me
why you wanted that money.

334
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,911
Oh, yeah.
Er... shall we show him?

335
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,429
- He's got an honest face.
- I suppose so.

336
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,593
- Ta-dal
- Good God!

337
00:21:30,640 --> 00:21:32,517
And the �22.50 will run it.

338
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,552
I didn't realise
elastic bands came that expensive.

339
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,272
I might tell you
that NASA are very interested in this.

340
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,995
- It could double as a moon buggy.
- The moon's the best place for it.

341
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,077
You're just jealous.

342
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:50,159
We're going to be the envy of Surbiton in this,
back and forth to our allotments.

343
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,669
How much did they rush you for the insurance?

344
00:21:53,840 --> 00:21:55,831
- What?
- And the road tax?

345
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,951
- What?
- You haven't got any, have you?

346
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:00,479
- I have.
- You haven't.

347
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,079
- I have!
- Has he?

348
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,317
Jerry, you don't think Tom would blunder
into a thing like this

349
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,113
without considering road tax
and insurance, do you?

350
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,151
Ask him.

351
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:14,351
Did you?

352
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:17,111
Haven't you got a home to go to, Leadbetter?

353
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,111
(Chuckles)

354
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,391
(Knocking)

355
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,829
Are you talking to us today, Margo?

356
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:44,110
Barbara, Tom, how nice to see you.

357
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,151
Do come in.

358
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,111
We thought you might still be angry with us.

359
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:52,791
I was only angry with you yesterday as servants.
Today, you're friends and I'm glad to see you.

360
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,631
You still don't understand, do you, Tom?

361
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,799
You see, life, for me, is a series of pigeon holes.

362
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:03,435
Ah, and today, we are the right pigeons
in the right pigeon hole.

363
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:04,470
Exactly.

364
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,239
That's a shame,
because we want to change holes.

365
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,669
We want to become domestics again.

366
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:12,917
- Not in my house.
- We can't in our house, because we live there.

367
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,719
No. I'm sorry.
If it's a question of references...

368
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:20,435
Oh, Margo, we're not thinking
of going into service as a career.

369
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,040
It's a short-term arrangement
for our mutual benefit.

370
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,356
Mutual, Barbara? I think not.

371
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,755
Oh, come on! We did the jobs properly.

372
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,872
I grant you that,
but you also behaved like the Marx Brothers.

373
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,272
- We didn't.
- You did.

374
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,311
- We didn't.
- You did!

375
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:39,671
Tom!
Margo, we are reformed characters.

376
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,109
- Truly, we are.
- I don't believe it for a moment.

377
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,151
All right, then, we will be.

378
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,876
I admit we did muck about but take us back
and we'll do our duties as po-faced as you like.

379
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:53,790
"Po" you see? You couldn't use
a sensible word like "sensibly", could you?

380
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,992
- It had to be po.
- All right, as sensibly-faced as you like.

381
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:57,871
(Chortles)

382
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,356
There you go again.
You're hopeless. It just wouldn't work.

383
00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,789
Look, Margo,
I'd be out in the garden most of the time.

384
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,480
If any of your ladies turn up,
I'll lock myself in the shed.

385
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:10,309
No, no, no. I'd sooner do the housework myself
than go through last week again.

386
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,310
- You wouldn't.
- [ would.

387
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,351
But it's such a big house, Margo.

388
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,392
It wouldn't leave you any time
for social functions,

389
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:22,320
and it would only be for three weeks,
till the Piersons got back.

390
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,831
This is the trouble with housework.

391
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,996
When you hate it, it never seems to end.

392
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:32,910
I mean, there's the floors to clean
and the windows to polish and beds to make...

393
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:35,315
Well, it just goes on and on and on...

394
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,351
- Oh, all right!
- Thanks, Margo.

395
00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:41,473
- Can we have three weeks' money in advance?
- For sheer nerve, Tom, you take the prize.

396
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,512
- In cash.
- First prize.

397
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,957
- Now, listen to me, Tom.
- Yes, Margo?

398
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,709
I have Mrs Dooms-Paterson
coming to tea on Tuesday.

399
00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,549
If you do to her what you did to Mrs Hornsby
through my French window,

400
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:04,070
I shall feel perfectly justified
in asking for this money back.

401
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:05,440
Yes, Margo.

402
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,632
That goes for you too, Barbara,
when you're serving gingerbread men.

403
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,671
- Yes, Margo.
- Very well.

404
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:12,711
Sherry, I think.

405
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:20,358
I suppose there's no hope of this money going
towards buying you new clothes, Barbara?

406
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:22,391
- No chance.
- I thought not.

407
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:26,479
- It's for our vehicle. Didn't Jerry tell you about it?
- No. A car?

408
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:30,559
- Well kind of.
- At least that's a step in the right direction.

409
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,591
You take precious few of those these days.

410
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,671
Now, a toast, I think.

411
00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:40,794
Here's to relationships being kept in their proper
pigeon holes for the next three weeks.

412
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,992
And no droppings of any ornaments
when you do the housework, Barbara.

413
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:48,193
Mmm. Well, half past two.
I'm off to the garden. I'll mow the lawn.

414
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,870
- I'd sooner you pruned my Ena Harkness.
- I'll prune your Ena Harkness.

415
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,991
- Thank you, Tom.
- Not at all, Margo.

416
00:25:57,200 --> 00:25:59,271
Now, Margo, where would you like me to start?

417
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,392
I can't tell you what music that is
to my ears, Barbara.

418
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,034
- Polishing, I think.
- Right.

419
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:07,071
Polishing it is.

420
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,869
- Shall we ask Tom and Barbara?
- Good idea.

421
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:50,436
- Care for a lunchtime drink, you two?
- We've discovered a super pub.

422
00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:53,236
- Right. Lovely!
- Smashing!

423
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,830
- Good. Come on.
- Its all right. We'll come in our own car.

424
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:00,789
- You don't know the way.
- OK. We'll follow you.

425
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:05,596
- I still haven't seen this new car of theirs, Jerry.
- Haven't you, darling?

426
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:12,111
(Rotovator engine starts)

427
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,271
(Backfires)

428
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,916
Oh, my God!
Drive on, Jerry!

429
00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,917
- But they don't know the way to the pub.
- I know. Drive on!

430
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:37,836
Hey! Wait for us! I can only do 7%2mph!

431
00:27:37,886 --> 00:27:42,436
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